An Experiment in Creative Photography During the Holidays

I stumbled across Jeff Cable Photography’s  blog not long ago in my random searching for photography tips and inspirations. I have been feeling pretty stuck in my photography as of late so when I saw this blog post about creative holiday photography, I was inspired to try some of my own.
I don’t have an DSLR but my camera has a manual mode and manual focus capabilities so I figured I could experiment with that. I think they came out pretty good for it being my first try at this sort of thing. Normally I am worried about making sure that pictures are in focus I never think to experiment with this sort of thing. I rather like some of the results I got. Here are some of my favorite photos from my experimental shoot.









And here is my favorite one of all. I absolutely love how this turned out.


I had a lot of fun trying different movements and exposures for this experiment in creative holiday photos. I have to say this year’s photos are more interesting and dramatic.
So if you find yourself with photography block then I highly suggest just grabbing your camera and experiment a little. You will be amazed at what you can come up with. I know I want to take more fun pictures like this, just to see what I can come up with. Happy snapping all.
Hugs and Smoochies from the Madhouse

A Merry Creeper Christmas…

I know Christmas has come and gone and New Year’s is on it’s way but I wanted to share the little ornaments I made for “the teen”, whom is OBSESSED with Minecraft. I don’t understand it myself but I thought I would do something creative for him since it was going to be a small Christmas this year.
I am kicking myself for not taking pics of the making of process but it is pretty simple to make so I will just describe it and show the finished project and next time hope I remember to take process pics. >.<
What you will need:

• Foam sheets in the colours of the characters you are planning to make. I used Black, Purple, Green, Orange and Red.
• White glue
• a paint brush
• pipe cleaner (I used silver ones I had on hand and cut them in half to make the hanger)
• scissors or a craft knife ( I used scissors )
• tweezers to make hole for hanger

1. Cut out a rectangle for the head.
2. Cut out 2 squares for the eyes ( black for the green, purple for the black and orange for the red)
3. Cut out mouth  (basically three squares touching corners)
4. Take a paint brush with a small amount of white glue on it and brush some white glue on the back of the eyes and mouth pieces. You don’t want too much or it will ooze and just not look right. ^.~
5. Place your pieces and let dry
6. When dry take your tweezers or something else that is pointy, to make the hanger hole.
7. Insert the cut pipe cleaner in the hole you made and make sure the pipe cleaner is even in the hole. No press and twist the pipe cleaner once or twice to secure it. Not too much or you will ruin the foam.
8. Then take the two end pieces and wind them together to form a loop
9. Hang on your tree to have a Creeper Christmas

Here are the ones I made. If I had time I would have preferred to make them from clay and acrylic paints but it was a last minute idea so I had to make due with easy *lol*


“The Teen” LOVED them. He thought they were EPIC. Mind you I had only made the green and black ornaments (not all creepers but “the teen” is busy killing things in Halo atm to ask him *sigh*) originally but he said I was missing the red and orange one so I made that for him before he opened his gifts. That is how quick these are to make.
He had to hang them right in the front of the tree for all to see. So Marilyn has an army of Minecraft monsters protecting her from the “fur demon” *lol*
If you decide to make any yourself please link to them so I can see your creations. The next ones I make I will take more time on and “the teen” said I have some mistakes in them. Like how the black ornament is not suppose to have a mouth, just purple eyes. Ooops >.<
HAVE A VERY CREEPER HOLIDAY!
Hugs and Smoochies from the Madhouse <3

Christmas is over now on to the rest!

Well Christmas is over for another year. This one was a little weird for us seeing as it was the first one just me and “the teen” but it was a good one nonetheless.
“The teen” normally wakes up at the crack of dawn on Christmas morning but this year he slept in till 9am. Must be “the teen” in him. Teens always seem to be sleeping in *lol* So he came and woke me up and actually let me make a Chai tea before ripping into his gifts. There weren’t many this year because of everything that has been going on with out lives and the older he gets the more expensive the gifts seem to become. *sigh* another sign he is growing up. The bigger the boy the bigger and more expensive the toys. *lol*
My family was amazing and got together to make sure he had a good Christmas despite the uncertainty due to the sudden single motherhood thing. I am so grateful to them all for everything, and being there for the two of us. You really find out who truly cares for you when you hit a hard road in your life and with their love and support I know we will get through this. It will be hard I am sure. I never wanted this life for my son, where his parents aren’t together, but it happens and you just have to deal with it and move on.
Despite there not being as many gifts as he is used to under the tree he was still very happy with his Christmas. We had a good day. It was really odd not having “the husband” around so things were different of course. We usually go to my MIL’s house for Christmas dinner but this year that is not possible so I made my own turkey. It was a tiny little thing but it was a great feeling of accomplishment to make Christmas dinner myself. It was also nice to stay home and not be expected to be somewhere on Christmas Day.
Growing up we always had Christmas dinner just the 4 of us in my family and we never went anywhere and it was a laid back and relaxed affair, nothing fancy and proper. It was nice not to have the stress of going out this year. Just enjoying time at home relaxing and chatting with family.  “The Teen” seemed to enjoy that this year as well.
Here is our little Christmas dinner that I made all by myself and I am quite proud of. “The Teen” isn’t particular about stuffing however so I have a tonne of it leftover >.< Must think up a way to use that up in the next few days. *scratches chin in thought*


  The holidays are far from over however, New Year’s is still coming up and I am trying to decide what “the teen” and I should do to ring in the new year. Somehow I think I will end up watching him and his friends battle each other in video game format. Might invite some family over for the evening for some games and fun. The possibilities are endless. And as usual in the madhouse, totally undecided at the moment. It is no fun to plan EVERYTHING out in advance. You need to be spontaneous and roll with the flow, which is something I am really embracing.
I have been thinking with the new year approaching of doing the 365 project of a pic a day. Not sure how long that will last but I am going to do my best to accomplish this goal. I will be posting the pics on my blog to help motivate me with this goal of mine. I need to get back in touch with my photography. I have missed it terribly. Hope setting this goal will kick start me into my artist flow getting flowing again.

Hugs and Smoochies from the Madhouse

The Smells of Christmas….Orange Pomanders

Christmas is here and with it I have been wanting to get the smell of Christmas to fill the madhouse this holiday season. It brings back memories from my childhood.
I have the scented candles in cinnamon and some pine as well. But the smell of oranges and cloves has always been something that sends me back. So I was bored the other evening while waiting for supper to cook so I decided to get my craft on and do something to make the house smell yummy. I had discovered a couple of bottles of whole cloves (which I had bought a while back with this project in mind and never actually got around to actually doing it for whatever madness came up to distract me)  in my spice cupboard when I was going through it and we have a crate of tiny oranges so the light bulb went off over my head.
So this is my attempt at a Pomander. It is my first attempt and may not be the prettiest thing but I haven’t had a chance to add ribbon as of yet to hang it up (it is hidden somewhere in my multitudes of craft supplies *sigh* ) but it does it’s job because it smells Heavenly to me. “The teen” wasn’t overly fond of it at first, he said it looked disturbing. He had actually covered it up with a piece of paper towel because he said he couldn’t look at it *lol*
He doesn’t understand it but he seems ok with it now. Still thinks it looks disturbing though. I thought boys loved disturbing looking things *lol*, but I digress. On to the pics and instructions, in case you wish to try out this lovely little project.
Start with an orange and some whole cloves.

Then start pushing the cloves into the orange in a pattern. I chose to work in sections and then fill in later on. So I started with four lines around the orange in a pie shape and then placed cloves in between those lines and working till there was no spaces left.

This is the finished product below. It smells lovely and has definitely lifted my spirits and put me in the Christmas mood. Hope you can fill your homes with this lovely holiday scent as well.

Now I am off to make myself a Chai tea, which I call “Christmas in a cup”, and wake up “the teen” so we can have a fun day together watching movies and having fun and enjoying this wonderful day.
Remember to keep happy holiday thoughts in your heads today as you head out to brave the insanity that is the stores today for some last minute shopping. Good luck and God bless.
Hugs and Smoochies from the Madhouse.

Life is too short to be sitting around miserable…

Ain’t that the truth?

I am really trying to use the lyrics to Cheers (I'll drink to that) by Rihanna as of late, as a motivational tool. It has a lot of truths to it and when I am feeling down I will put it on my player and dance and sing to it until I feel better. Doesn’t usually take long.

I was sitting around miserable for way too long. I let life get to me and instead of appreciating the wonderful things around me I got caught up in the daily grind of worrying and stressing about what people thought of me and trying to please everyone and the end result ended up with me being a very bitter and cynical person and that is not who I want to be so I am working on changing that.

One thing having my husband decide a woman in Texas that he has never met was more important then his wife and son has taught me is that I deserve to be happy, as does “the teen”. Yes our lives have been completely turned upside down and each day something new happens to attempt to bring me down but I am taking things day by day and concentrating on making sure “the teen” has what he needs and is safe.

Despite everything going on in my life right now I have come to realize I am actually happy. I feel good about myself each day I accomplish something new. Something I may not have done because I was worried what someone would think or what “the husband” would say. I haven’t been alone, really, since I was 13 years old and had my very first boyfriend. I always thought you “needed” someone to “be” someone which seems quite silly now when I think about it.

I love my husband, or rather, loved my husband. He is no longer the man I fell in love with, the man I married and wanted to grow old with. I was heartbroken when I discovered his betrayal, I was terrified of losing him and tried everything to “save” our marriage but he didn’t care so I got to the point where I basically wondered “Why bother?”  Yes, maybe not the greatest mind set to have when you want to save your marriage but I also know I couldn’t live like I had been. What he was doing was abusive to me and my son and neither of us deserved that.

Something clicked in my head and I realized that I was tired of being a doormat. Tired of being the one that “had to change” when he got to do whatever he wanted. I lost friends and family because I believed in our relationship, believed he really loved me and wanted to be with me and our son and be a family. But it was all lies. I am not a piece of property to be used and abused and tossed aside when someone is bored. I am a human being with feelings and I deserve to be treated with respect and to be happy. I don’t belong under someone’s control and under their thumb but free to be me and be beside someone that loves me for me.

I am well aware that I can be a lot for some people to handle. I have opinions, I can be very blunt and very passionate about topics.  I don’t make friends very easily, mostly because I have been too scared to be “me”  for fear that people won’t like me or think I am stupid because I have heard nothing but “you’re so effin stupid” for years, to the point that I was beginning to believe it. I am not the smartest person in the world but I am definitely not “stupid” I caught on pretty quick that my husband was up to something with this woman, in fact I knew the day after he asked her to be his gf. I just knew in my gut he wasn’t telling the truth. If I was stupid like he claims I am, then I would be sitting here blind to his games. Maybe that is what he wanted. For me to stupidly be oblivious to his deception and let him do what he wanted and he could have his little play thing in Texas as well as me and his family here. He isn’t the first man to think this and I highly doubt he will be the last.
 

So I am being “me” now and to hell with what people think of me. Ya can’t please everyone and I am done trying to. It is EXHAUSTING especially when nothing you do makes them happy.

I deserve to be happy and loved for “me” and all my craziness. Honestly life is pretty boring without a little “crazy” in it. Some of the best people are a little crazy, when you think about it. People telling them they are crazy for having an idea and they are crazy to think outside of the box and whatnot. We wouldn’t be where we are now in society with the advancements if it weren’t for some of those “crazy” people. So if people want to consider me “crazy” for having different opinions and for thinking differently then so be it. I am not longer going to let their negativity get to me and squash my creativity and love for life.

I was dead inside but I have found a new outlook on life thanks to the last 8 months and all that has transpired. It got really bad right before he left and I was terrified. I still am to an extent but I am not letting my fear rule me any longer. They say “things happen for a reason” and “it is always darkest before the dawn” (whomever they are), we are living proof of that. My son and I had to go through something horrible to see the light and we are in the dawn of a new stage in our lives and I plan on living every day to it’s fullest. There is so much I want to experience, for both me and my son and for the first time in a long time I am hopeful and that with the love and support from “the teen” I have been given a new strength. “I CAN DO THIS” and “WE CAN DO THIS” are my new phrases.

I have also decided I quite enjoy being single and not having to fuss over a man (other than my son, of course) I don’t have to ask permission to buy something. I don’t have to ask permission on what to have for dinner. I don’t have the disappointment when he can’t be bothered to spend time with me or something I do goes unnoticed, or being used as a blow up doll and ignored and a whole list of other things. I haven’t been single for an extended period of time in the last 20 years. I was with my husband for 16 of those years, so I think it is time I work on me so that my next relationship has me in a much healthier and happier place. This time, hopefully with someone that wants the same things as me, loves me for “me”, loves my son and won’t lie or hurt me or my son.

So I am not actively looking for love atm, I have a lot to work on and take care of before I go there and I do enjoy being single for the moment. I have my good days and my bad days (who doesn’t) but I am more confident in myself and know when the time is right good things will happen. Gotta run now and do some toning (part of working on myself is getting this body in top form ^.~ )

Hugs and Smoochies from the Madhouse

Monday Mingle ~ December 19, 2011

Hello all. I decided to do something new and step out of my box a little. I have seen the Monday Mingle on a few different sites I have come across and thought I would jump in. I am not yet at the vlogging stage yet (hopefully some time soon) but I did want to participate in the last one of the year and hopefully come the new year I can actually get a vlog entry up.
If you want to participate by doing a vlog or non-vlog then head over to Eighty MPH Mom and follow the instructions and join the Mingle. Now onto my very first set of Mingle questions.
1. Fake Christmas tree or real tree and why?
I have a fake Christmas tree, mainly due to the fact that I rent and as a renter we are not allowed to have real trees because of fire codes and whatnot. (even though we always see people sneaking real trees into the buildings late at night) My tree was purchased the year I have my son so it is 13 years old this year and still going strong. That’s what I love about artificial trees because you spend the money once and have the tree for years and years if properly taken care of, instead of having to deal with getting a new tree each and every year. I also choose artificial because of the mess factor. Even if I was allowed to have a real tree I wouldn’t because I just don’t want to have to deal with all those needles and making sure it is watered and such. I do love the smell of real trees but I make due with scented pine candles or buying boughs to use.
2. What is your favorite holiday movie?
Hmmm this one is a tough one for me seeing as I LOVE Christmas movies. I love Elf, because it is hilarious. I also love Babes in Toyland and A Mom for Christmas, both from my childhood. It wouldn’t be Christmas though without watching National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. I have to watch this EVERY Christmas. I have worn out 2 VHS copies and finally got my hands on a DVD copy. In fact my son and I watched this together the other night. How can you not love the Griswold’s. The complete madness that ensues is perfect for the madhouse. ^.~
3. Santa might not bring me gifts if he knew I __________this year.
Hmmmm…. I would have to say that he wouldn’t bring me gifts this year if he knew how many times I had complained about pretty much anything and everything in my life instead of appreciate the beauty and people in it. Or my loss of temper at random people because I was having trouble coping with home life. I have greatly improved on both in the last month though so maybe I could get a pardon. Mama could use something pretty and fun for Christmas. ^.~
Thanks for letting me take part and I look forward to watching all the vlogs and getting to know some fellow bloggers. I already feel like I know so many of you.
Hope you all have a wonderful Holiday Season and may the coming year bring you much joy, love and happiness.
Hugs and Smoochies from the Madhouse.

Journey into Single Motherhood Pt. 2

OMG!!!!! I can’t believe it is 6 more sleeps till Christmas. I don’t even have my tree done yet. It is up but not decorated. I had to spray it down with some bitter tasting stuff in an attempt to keep the little demon out of it this year. Wanted to make sure it was completely dry before attempting to put on the lights.
I really should invest in a new tree. Possibly one pre-lighted, so I don’t have to spend time checking lights and getting them just right. >.<
I am almost ready for Christmas, gifts are purchased but have to be wrapped. That can be done some time this week though so I am not stressed about it. There isn’t that much this year since hubby decided to leave us high and dry. I had to do some creative thinking for Christmas this year but I was bound and determined to give my son the Christmas he deserves, despite the fact his father could care less. Such is the life of a single mom , I suppose.
Trying to adjust to this single mom thing is a struggle some days. I have a new respect for all the single mother’s I have known. Having to be two parents at once can be an adjustment, and getting no support from the father isn’t a fun thing either. Thankfully my son is pretty self sufficient so I don’t have to worry about finding a sitter for him if I need to go do groceries or whatnot. 
“The teen” has been holding up pretty well considering all that has happened over the last 8 months with his father and everything he has done to both of us. He is still refusing to see his father. Says we are better off without him. At the moment I can’t blame him at all for that because “the husband” didn’t just do this to me but his son too. I have several people telling me that I should be making “the teen” see his father but I don’t agree with that, seeing as “the husband” didn’t consider how his actions were effecting his son. So as long as “the teen” has no wish to see his father then he doesn’t have to see him. I will not apologize for that. Protecting my son is first and foremost to me.
I know he is hurting about everything. I also know he is bottling up his feelings which I don’t think it healthy. I don’t want to push talking to someone about it but at the same time I am worried about him. So I am looking into getting someone for him to speak too. He knows he can talk to me about anything but I think at this moment he needs a third party that is neutral. He did speak to my therapist a few weeks ago and this is where I discovered how effected he truly was about how his father was treating us. It broke my heart when I heard him say “he says he loves me but if he really loved me and didn’t want to fight around me then he would have left long ago, and not stayed in the house talking to another woman and not paying any money toward rent or bills and hurting my mom”. It was said with definite angry tones.
It is hard being a mom these days, with the internet making cheating so much easier, and the decline of morales. I have no idea what happened to the male population. There seems to be so many men nowadays that are little boys trapped in adult bodies. Not many seem willing to work things out either. It saddens me. I have been told I am a bad mother recently by “the husband” and his “cyberwife” , they say I use my son as a guilt trip all because I kept asking if “the husband”or the “skank bag” considered what they were doing to “the teen” when he sat there in front of him telling another woman that he loved her and her children. 
I find it humorous that this “woman” says she is a better mother when she spends all her time on the phone with a “married” man and having her children call him daddy and tell him they love him when he is still married to another woman. Or the fact they have NEVER met. I would never let my son become attached to someone I never met especially someone that is married. If you ask me the two of them are the mental ones. I feel like I am the only sane one in this little triangle and they are living in a fantasy world that will come crashing down and the children will be caught in the fall out. What kind of mother does that to her children? It makes no sense to me. I feel like I am the only one that actually cares what happens to “the children” but I am considered the bad mother. *eyeroll*
My son told me to ignore the two of them because as far as he is concerned I am a great mom and he knows I love him and would do anything for him, within my power. He wants nothing to do with this “mental” woman (his words) and no one will ever replace me as his mom. I am beyond proud of him. I hate that all this happened at all but I am doing my best and he knows it.
My family has been amazingly supportive. Even trying to come up with a way to bring us down to spend the holidays with them but I declined. I felt it was the best thing to have Christmas just the two of us this year. We are going to do this together and I firmly believe if we get through this Christmas alone then we will make it through any hurdle thrown our way. We are from a long line of survivors. My family have the Irish fighting spirit and I am not going down without a fight. Life will not beat me while I have a breath in body.
The thing I have been hearing a lot lately is “everything happens for a reason”  and “take one day at a time” and I really am starting to believe it. Yes our lives have been turned upside down but for the first time in a long time I feel alive again and I need to be strong for “the teen” because he is in a very important stage in his life and needs stability and love. All of us do but as parents we are supposed to be there for our children, to love and protect them. “The teen” deserves the best that life can bring and I want to make sure he succeeds and becomes a wonderful man. He has so much potential to do great things.
Well my drink is done and I should be getting to bed or else tomorrow will be a LONG day. Toodles all.
Hugs and Smoochies from the Madhouse.

Mini Men Rant….

I apologize in advance to the rant to come. It is something I need to get out before I explode., and unleash my verbal fury on some poor male. 
I have learned that males haven’t changed much since I was a teenager. Back then all they wanted was sex and when I wouldn’t give it to them I was dumped faster than you can blink and they were on to the next girl trying to get into her pants. You would expect that of horny 16 year old males but from 30 plus I wasn’t expecting that, but now I am informed.
So “the husband” is off doing heaven knows what with lord knows who and I am left to raise a 13 year old, alone. I keep getting told by everyone I know that there are plenty of fish in the sea and I need to get back out there and to forget “the husband” exists because he obviously doesn’t care about me or his son seeing as he put a play thing before his family, but I digress.
I have plenty of male interest, don’t get me wrong but it isn’t the kind of interest I am interested in. I am over thirty (yes I know I don’t look it but I am *lol*) and I still have hopes and dreams, the same hopes and dreams that I had with my husband but it turns out he didn’t share the same ones. I still want more children, a house and a loving husband. Mind you right now all I seem to get are guys that just want to fool around.
SERIOUSLY????  It really irks me to no end the gall of some men. Yes I am recently separated but I am not the type of person to sleep around (even though my husband and his hoebag seem to think that is all I do) I have a lot of issues when it comes to being intimate (long story which I won’t get into now) . So I am not one to just jump in bed with everyone that winks at me.
So to all those males that seem to think it is ok to suggest a little romp in the hay now that I am “available” I say, if you are only interested in me for sex then get a freaking blow up doll and leave me the hell alone. There is more to me then my woman parts and I would appreciate it if you would keep your hands to yourselves. If you are serious about a real relationship then I am open to explore that but if you pretend to be interested in a real relationship only so you can get me into bed then you better just find someone else because this lady isn’t having it. Oh and my son and I are a package deal so if  you want to have a relationship with me then you better be prepared to become a dad, when and only when I feel that you are serious about being in our lives because I am not going to let him become attached to someone that is just going to walk out on him. He already had his father do that to him and he deserves better.
*end rant*
I could rant for longer but I think I will leave it there, before I get too worked up. I do have to say I felt sorry for one of the men I work with because the other day he asked me how I was doing and I just had a floodgate of irritation come out of my mouth.
I get used and abused by the person that is supposed to love me through good times and bad so he can run off with a woman he has never met and then I keep getting offers for “fun” from men and what makes them think I am the least bit interested in fooling around. I am not freaking 16 years old.
I seriously think I might print off ads for blow up dolls and the next time someone suggests some “fooling around” then I will hand them the ad and say “sure, I hear she is looking for a date”, and walk off. Argh, sometimes I wonder if most men use the brains in their heads or if they just go by the little one. *smh*
One thing I have learned through all of this is that men don’t change and I need to make sure my son learns to treat women with more respect.
Isn’t in funny that this rant is taking place on Hump day, *scratches chin in deep thought* Anywho, I must be getting my pretty little behind to bed. Morning comes too darn quick for my liking and I have a tonne of things to get done this week. Will have more on my journey into single motherhood soon. Take care all.
Hugs and kisses from the Madhouse ^.~

Journey into Single Motherhood Pt.1

I have sat down to start a new post several times over the last week and can’t seem to collect my thoughts together. My mind is being pulled in so many different directions lately. So many things that need to get done and not enough hours in the day in which to complete them. December is usually a stressful month for me but this year I am adding the joy of becoming a single mom into the mix. Let’s just say it has been an interesting adjustment.

There are pros and cons to being a single mom. First of all you are the only one there to do the shopping, cleaning and everything else. Not that my husband was much of a help in that department. Every now and then he would clean up but for the most part I always felt like I was cleaning up after him. I sometimes felt like I had two children instead of just the one I gave birth to.  And seeing as I don’t drive that leaves me with many hours spent on the bus.  You couldn’t begin to understand how much I loathe the bus, especially since they keep raising the fare prices and reducing the service. *grumble*

There is obviously less money in the house since the second income is gone. So that has been an adjustment, especially since “the husband” decided back in May he didn’t have to pay any more bills in the house because he was “reclaiming his manhood” whatever the hell that means. In my opinion, abandoning your family obligations doesn’t makes you a man, more like a coward and a selfish ass. Anyways, it has been a struggle to figure finances out. I am doing the best I can seeing as I am not getting any child support from “the husband”, as of yet. He says it is coming but he says a lot of things and honestly after the last 7 months I don’t know what to believe anymore.

There isn’t a man in the house other than my son, of course, and well he doesn’t know how to do a lot of things because his father never really showed him how to do man things. Mind you “the husband” didn’t really do many man things either. More video games then helping hang curtains or putting together stuff. I am the one that usually gets the garbage together and takes it out. Since I don’t want to nag and bitch to get him to do it. It is just easier to do it myself. However, I am trying to break “the teen” of his father’s habits. So I have been getting him to do things around the house, like garbage and recycling. He is in charge of that now.

The great thing about being a single mom is that you don’t have to wait on someone else. I don’t have to ask “the husband” what he wants for dinner and then watch him not eat it because he doesn’t like it or is too busy talking to his biatch to eat it with us. “The teen” and I enjoy eating together and chatting. I know it bothered him that his dad couldn’t be bothered to eat with us most nights, instead choosing to go into the basement to talk to his “virtual wife” (that is a story for another time)
“The husband” thought I was turning our son against him by complaining about his “virtual wife” to our son, but I didn’t  have to say a thing to “the teen”. He has eyes and ears in his head and could see and hear what his father was doing and made his own decisions. It is sad that a child knows what his father is doing is wrong but the father tries to justify it and make it out to be ok. *smh*

It is also great not to have to pick up after “the husband”. “The teen” and I have discovered that the house has stayed a lot cleaner for a lot longer since “the husband” started hiding out in the basement and now that he is finally gone. I actually don’t mind cleaning as much because I am not having to pick up after “the husband” There was nothing more irritating then having to do that. I have enough to do in the house then running around picking stuff up after him. “The teen” even picks up after himself most of the time, sometimes needing reminders but it isn’t a huge fight when I have to remind him.

“The teen” and I seem to be holding our own, for now. I don’t know what the future will bring but we are working together to get through this. I do miss “the husband”, I do still love him, I have since the moment back in high school when he looked me in the eyes and said  he was going to marry me someday. I just wish he had meant it for life and things didn’t end up like this. But here we are, he made his choice and our son and I are left to pick up the pieces of our life and make the best out of it. I think we will both be stronger people for this.

I thought “the husband” was the happily ever after to my once upon a time but now I think my Prince Charming got lost in Never Never Land with Peter Pan and the lost boys who don’t want to grow up. *sigh* I am trying very hard to not lose my faith in fairytales. One day, I will get my fairytale ending, until then I am going to keep singing and dancing and taking it a day at a time.

to be continued….

until then HUGS AND SMOOCHIES FROM THE MADHOUSE!!!

Two Left feet, wooden table, Ambulance and Stitches….oh my!

So “the teen” decided to pick a fight with a table last night and lost.
I thought I was well passed the stage where I needed to bubble wrap and child proof everything. Last night I realized I might have to go back, or just bubble wrap him, to solve the problem. >.<

He is still growing like a weed and I swear each time I look at him he has grown an inch or three. Over the last 3 years he has become pretty clumsy because he is growing so fast and not used to the extra limbage. He was wearing men’s size 10 last fall and he was only 11. Pretty soon I will have to be putting shoe boxes on his feet if he grows anymore. *lol*

Last night he was running around the house, for what reason I just don’t know. It is one of his quirky habits. Usually he is chasing the cat or she is chasing him but last night he was just running for the sake of running and slipped on the carpet and slid across the floor and *BANG* I didn’t hear the normal “I’M OK” and then heard him howling and I flew down over the stairs. I don’t even remember touching the floor. He told me after he was stitched up that I sounded like the cat bounding down the stairs during one of her hyper spells.

I thought he had just hit his hand until he sat up and I saw the blood. *heart up in throat here* and instinct just took over. I ran to the kitchen and wet a cloth and brought it back and told him to hold it there to stop the bleeding. I took a quick peak once some of the blood was cleared and realized he was going to need stitches and I dialed 911 and requested an ambulance. It was pouring rain out last night and his cheek was wide open, I wasn’t taking any chances. So off to the hospital we went.

They let him walk out to the bus since his vitals were good and he was able to walk himself. I heard him chatting with the paramedics in the back about video games. He had calmed down by that point of course. Before they got there he was getting pretty upset about having an ambulance coming. I did my best to keep him calm, I was pretty surprised that I was as calm as I was. No mother wants to see their baby hurt or in pain, let alone with blood dripping down their face.

Normally, “the husband” would handle situations like this because he is first aid certified but since he isn’t here anymore it was up to me to get the situation under control. The paramedics said I did a great job and reassured me he would be fine. I was pretty proud of myself actually. I realized last night I can do this single parenting thing. “The husband” wasn’t here and I didn’t have to check with him first before making a decision. It was a good feeling not to have to wait for him to tell me what to do. I never felt comfortable making a decision with him around because he always said I made the wrong one. It got to the point where I didn’t want to make decisions anymore because I didn’t want to be made to feel stupid.

We bypassed a lot of angry looking people in the waiting room and were immediately whisked away to another waiting room for priorities. He was checked right away by a doctor and they decided what they were going to do. He was taken immediately to have his face frozen so they could stitch him up. He wasn’t looking forward to the stitching part. He did pretty well, though. Not a sound out of him while she stitched him up. She said he had pretty thick skin which made us all laugh. I did my best to keep him relaxed and calm, even managed to get him to smile a few times.  He even laughed when the doctor apologized for the bright light in his eyes. I whispered “No, don’t go toward the light”. I know, I know, lame but I got him to laugh and so did the doctor so I think it was a stress reliever.
I told him no more running in the house and picking fights with the tables. He looked at me and without hesitation said “Awww, I can’t help it if the table challenged me and I had to take it on, not my fault it cheated and pulled a switch blade on me” *smh* He is laughing about it now and saying he is finally a man. Sometimes I do not understand boys *lol*

“The MIL” drove us home from the hospital. She asked “the teen” which of us was more freaked out and “the teen” said “Mom was pretty calm and level headed through the whole thing actually” *big smile* It was that moment that I realized that I can do this single parent thing. I thought I needed “the husband” to do most things but with each passing day I am getting more confident at handling things on my own and it is a wonderful feeling. I don’t need to ask permission first, I don’t need to ask for advice, I don’t have to worry about being told I made the wrong decision among so many other comments that he would have made.

“The teen” is doing good now. I am watching him like a hawk now. Of course he didn’t learn from it though because I caught him running today in the house. He got a “are you trying to break the other side of your face too?” and he smiled and said then they would match. *facepalm* He is going to drive me around the bend with this kind of stuff. Boys will be boys…right?

Keeping the bottle of wine close by for the next stunt he pulls to drive me mad with worry. Well I am off to get some much needed sleep. Didn’t sleep well last night keeping an eye on my baby. I am grateful it wasn’t a lot worse then it could have been. Someone up there was looking out for my baby boy. Thank you whomever they may be. Good night all.

Hugs and Kisses from the Madhouse

And then there were two….

 

It's like you're screaming, and no one can hear
You almost feel ashamed
That someone could be that important
That without them, you feel like nothing
No one will ever understand how much it hurts
You feel hopeless; like nothing can save you
And when it's over, and it's gone
You almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back
So that you could have the good

Narration to Rihanna’s  We Found Love

“The Teen” (I really need to try and come up with another name for him *lol*) and I have been making some adjustments over the last few days since the household is now less one person.

He has been doing pretty good considering. I will never cease to be amazed by him. For someone so young, he is very wise. and has an amazing strength (even if he has no muscles to speak of *lol*, ) I have developed a strength of my own over the last while. Not sure if it has to do with my wonderful meds or the fact I am tired of being used, abused and tossed aside like yesterday’s garbage. Maybe it’s a combination? Who knows, but whatever is giving me the strength to keep going despite the world seeming to fall down around me, is an amazing thing as well.

So “the teen” and I are embarking on yet another new, epic adventure. For me it is the world of being a single mom for the first time but instead of feeling like a single mom of a child with a husband, I am the single mother of just my own child.  Over the years it has certainly felt like I was a single parent with not much emotional support from my husband. I always chalked it up to me growing up faster than him when I got pregnant at 19. I knew there would be some hardships having a child so young but I just felt in my heart it was the right thing to do.

I don’t regret for a single moment the decision I made to keep my son. I loved him from the moment I realized I was pregnant. Sure there have been times I have wondered what my life would have been like if I had chosen a different path (honestly who doesn’t think that at some point in their life?) but then he does something absolutely amazing like running up and giving me a huge hug and says “I love you mom” or just being…well, in the simplest form…..himself. I see such potential in him and want him to do his best at everything.

He seems to be adjusting well to not having his dad around. We had a long heart to heart on the weekend and spent a lot of time together. He told me that he likes how we have been spending so much time together and I am not the way I was pre-meds. (I wish my stubborn rear would have gotten myself to the doctor years ago.) He knows I suffered from depression and I am on medication. I don’t want to hide things from him, I want to protect him, naturally, mama bear comes out in full force when I think he might get hurt but I also don’t believe in hiding some topics from children.

Things might have been different for me had my mother shared things with me and not made me feel like depression was something to be ashamed of or something you snap out of . I do worry about him because both my husband and I have suffered from depression and I worry that my son will also, which is why I talk to him about it. Especially now that he is entering his teen years which can be the worse time for some kids. He knows he can come to me about anything and I am glad he feels comfortable doing so. Most kids wouldn’t which I think is sad.

I am surprisingly well considering everything that is going wrong in my life right now but I expect nothing less from the madhouse which is my life. There is always something going on. I am concentrating on keeping myself healthy and strong so I can be there for my son and be a better mom. A wise woman told me recently that I need to find happiness to be a great mom to my son and overall a great person, because if I am empty I have nothing  left to give to anyone else. I never thought of it like that before.

This past week I have been doing a lot of thinking, which is easy to do when you aren’t constantly in fear and limbo. Don’t get me wrong, I have no idea what the future is going to bring but I feel better able to handle it with some breathing space. Having my husband in the house, in a relationship with another woman was draining me of everything. I kept praying he would pull his head out of his rear and realize what he was doing to me and his son but instead he chose her, someone he has never met.  He isn’t the man I fell in love with, I don’t know him anymore, and that makes my heart break.

Even though my heart is shattered and I feel like it might never be whole again, I must hold my head high and carry on as best I can, for my son. I am not afraid anymore because I know we deserve more. I do miss my husband, but I miss who he used to be. The man I fell in love with is gone. All the wishing in the world, won’t bring him back, to turn back time. I can only go forward and hope one day to find someone that loves me for me, madhouse and all.  I’m worth it and so is my son.

Hugs and kisses from the madhouse

Cheers to the freakin weekend!!!!

Another weekend is here and almost gone.
This has been my theme song this past few weeks.
Cheers...I'll drink to that! ~ Rihanna

Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Cheers to the freaking weekend
I drink to that, yeah yeah
Oh let the Jameson sink in
I drink to that, yeah yeah
Don’t let the bastards get you down
Turn it around with another round
There’s a party at the bar everybody put your glasses up and
I drink to that, I drink to that, I drink to that
(Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah)
Life’s too short to be sitting around miserable
People gonna talk whether you doing bad or good, yeah
Got a drink on my mind and my mind on my money, yeah
Looking so bomb, gonna find me a honey
Got my Ray-Bans on and I’m feeling hella cool tonight, yeah
Everybody’s vibing so don’t nobody start a fight, yeah-ah-ah-ah
(Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah)
(Chorus)
Cheers to the freaking weekend
I drink to that, yeah yeah
Oh let the Jameson sink in
I drink to that, yeah yeah
Don’t let the bastards get you down
Turn it around with another round
There’s a party at the bar everybody put your glasses up and
I drink to that, I drink to that
(Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah)
‘Bout to hop on the bar, put it all on my card tonight, yeah
Might be mad in the morning but you know we goin hard tonight
It’s getting Coyote Ugly up in here, no Tyra
It’s only up from here, no downward spiral
Got my Ray-Bans on and I’m feeling hella cool tonight, yeah
Everybody’s vibing so don’t nobody start a fight, yeah (yeah yeah)
(Chorus)
Cheers to the freaking weekend
I drink to that, yeah yeah
Oh let the Jameson sink in
I drink to that, yeah yeah
Don’t let the bastards get you down
Turn it around with another round
There’s a party at the bar everybody put your glasses up and
I drink to that, I drink to that
(Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah)
Cheers to the freaking weekend
I drink to that, yeah yeah
Oh let the Jameson sink in
I drink to that, yeah yeah
Don’t let the bastards get you down
Turn it around with another round
There’s a party at the bar everybody put your glasses up and
I drink to that, I drink to that, I drink to that, I drink to that
(Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah)
And I drink to that

So this weekend has been pretty good. Didn’t end up doing much Friday night. Just relaxed with “the teen”. Did some dancing around the living room to relieve some stress, talked to my mother a zillion times and my dad managed to get a call in there as well. They are both worried about me and hate being so far away with everything going on in my life right now. My life pretty much imploded and everyone is feeling the fall out. But life goes on.
Today I decided I wanted to accomplish something and get a work out while doing it so I tackled my backyard. OMG it was horrible out there. I basically had a fit a couple of years ago and screamed out my back door that the squirrels could have the damn backyard and that I was done with it. I pretty much hadn’t touched it since. Oh boy do I regret that. I felt like I was pulling up ancient vines and other stuff that had gotten lost in the mess of ferns, lilies and weeds.
Two yard waste bags, a bundle of wooden sticks and branches and a garbage bag later I was finally able to see the dirt for the first time in 4 years. I felt pretty good after getting rid of all the junk. Came across some creepy looking bugs and spiders while cleaning as well. *shudder* My kitty watched me from the window while “the teen” would pop his face up every so often to see if I was still alive out in the jungle. It was so cute having my two babies watching me work. Now next year I might bribe “the teen” into doing it, if we are still here that is.
I can already feel my legs getting sore. I know I will be hurting in the morning when I wake up. I pray that I don’t land on my face when I step out of bed like I did the last time I did yard work. I figured I would take advantage of the fact that the snow melted and we had pretty nice temps out for yard work. I don’t have any Christmas lights to put up outside after all.
Tomorrow “the teen” and I might just tackle the tree, not literally of course, Hmmm come to think of it I might want to clear that up with “the teen” first. He has been bugging me to put it up this past week. I would love to get it up and out of the way so I am not rushing a couple of days before Christmas. Eeek Christmas is in under a month. *starts to panic*
Ooo another project we are going to attempt tomorrow is making individual Apple Crisp. I have a recipe somewhere around here and “the teen” has been itching to try out a recipe since he says it is science for the kitchen and he loves science. It helps we have a tonne of apples in the fridge that need to be used. Mmmmm I can smell it now. I might document the process and blog about it tomorrow.
Well I am off to slumberland. Hope to dream of some hot, smexy men. ^.~ Remember, life’s too short to be sitting around miserable, people are going to talk whether you be doing bad or good.  Don’t let the bastards get ya down ^.~
Hugs and smoochies from the Madhouse
what I am living by at the moment.

OMG……He’s a teen!!!!!

Last week I became the mother of a teenager….Yes I know it is insane. I am too young and adorable to be the mom of a teenager.  =P
So “The Boy” will officially be known as “the teen” until I come up with another more suitable name for him. “The boy” sounds too childish now.
My baby is growing up so fast. *sadface* but I am super proud of him.  He has become quite the handsome young man too. I am sure before too long he will be overrun with the attention of the ladies. For the moment, though he is content to watch Youtube videos and play PS3. Hmmm come to think of it, does any male grow out of that? *lol*
So he had a mini party this past weekend to celebrate with his friends. I was a little nervous about having a group of teenaged boys in the house but it went pretty well. They all had a blast and a great time was had by all, until it was time to go. Seemed no one really wanted to leave, so I guess it was a huge success. *pats self on back*
Of course what teen boy doesn’t like pizza, chips, pop and video games? Thankfully, my brother came over and kept me company and sane through the party.  I do have to say this was a lot more tame then his 10th birthday party. *shutters at the memory*
What I learned this weekend? Four teen boys can make a lot of noise, and devour pizza and chips like no tomorrow. Wish I had their metabolism and I could burn through stuff like that. *sigh* I have been getting a lot of compliments on my weight loss though so I am doing something right. Going to be having to buy me some new pants soon since the ones I have right now are getting to be a bit big.
I am so looking forward to the weekend right now. It is nice to know tomorrow is Wednesday, it’s all downhill from here.  ^.~
Off to plan what mischief me and “the teen” will get into this weekend. I am thinking putting up the Christmas decorations. I have a great urge to play Christmas music right now and decorate. Oh Justin Beiber just came on my music player, singing about being under the Mistletoe. How perfect is that? *teehee*
Well toodles all…
Hugs & Smoochies from the Madhouse

All by myself…..don’t wanna be all by myself….

Or maybe I do? Hmmmm………..
So my last blog post had to do with my week off from the Husband. I survived the week and I am pretty proud of myself. It did make me spend some time thinking. Maybe I can do the alone thing. It is nice to have someone else in the house sometimes though. But it was nice not to have to put up with his bs either.
So last week, my camera and I got to know each other a little better. I also played around with some hair styles and makeup and whatnot. I felt pretty good last week and wanted to make the most of it before the feeling passed. Such is the life of a severely depressed person. I have been meaning to ask my doctor if I could possibly be Bipolar. Since I have extreme mood swings. When I am up, I am really up and when I am down, I am really down. It is rare for me to be in the middle for any length of time. I also can swing from one to the other in a moment. Must make a note to ask he thoughts.
Anyway on to more of last week. I decided to take some self portraits of myself and fiddle with my photos in my editing programs. “The Boy” was very happy I wasn’t pointing the camera in his direction this time. *lol* He used to love having his picture taken but now I usually get half his head as he ducks or his palm in the camera lens. Teenagers *shakes my head* but I digress. I took some really nice pics of myself. I hadn’t done a self portrait shoot in a long while. Simply because I wasn’t feeling up to photographing myself. But I felt it was needed to lift my mood and lift it, it did. I felt 100% better afterward which is always a bonus.
Here is my favorite photo from my self portrait session.

People at work were very surprised to see me come in with a huge flower and leaves in my hair. I was channeling my inner faerie that day and needed to let it out in some way ^.^
I was going through my zillions of photos on my computer looking for photos of my son for a photo montage of him for his big birthday milestone and came across some photos of me from a few Thanksgivings ago and I had an idea. I didn’t really like the picture how it was originally, mostly because it was taken in a mirror and was out of focus. But I decided to work with it and make it into something artsy.
Here is the before photo.

And the after photo

Basically I had flipped the photo so that the camera writing was readable, this was to correct the writing on the camera. I realized I like my hair parted on the other side though >.< I then cropped the photo down to cut out the excess background that I didn’t want in the photo since it really is ugly looking *lol* I used the clarity button on my PSP and then using one of my many filters I neutralized the colours  and then applied another filter to give it the aged colouring. I know not very detailed instructions, I must pay closer attention to what I use next time to give a better description for those that wish to try something like this.
I love how the picture came out. It is grainy but I think it gives the photo character. It also includes one of my passions, photography. ^.^
Another one of my loves is my kitty. The husband surprised “the boy” and I with this precious little furball the Christmas before last. She can be a handful but we love her to pieces. She is a typical cat, if you try and pay attention to her when she doesn’t want it then she lets you know it but when she wants you to know she wants your attention she let’s you know that too. I was perusing the craft blogs this past Saturday morning after waking up waaaaayyyy to early. She decided it was snuggle time and climbed up on my desk and into my arms and fell asleep. So I had to peruse the blogs one-handed. Naturally, I had to snap a photo.

Well it is getting late and I should retire to my lair for some beauty sleep. Thanks for looking and reading my ramblings. Until next time….
Hugs and Smoochies from the Madhouse.

Lonely…I am so lonely….

Ok well not really, but I did have a week off from the husband and his skankbag Texan fake wife. It just sounds worse every time I say that. Can’t help but shake my head at the stupidity of the entire situation, but I digress, back to my week off.
So last weekend the husband told me he was going out. I didn’t think anything of it till it was 12am and he still hadn’t come home yet. Being the person I am I got worried so I texted him asking if he was ok and if he would be home soon. He hadn’t said he wasn’t coming home so every horrible thought went through my head. He was lying dead in a ditch somewhere, he was mugged and lying in a ditch somewhere, he was hit by a bus etc, etc.
I know it is strange that I even care seeing as he hasn’t really shown much care to me in the last seven months while he is in a relationship with this internet woman but he is still my husband (for the moment at least) and the father to my child. I tend to be a worrier though even if I am mad at someone I still worry about them. Sometimes I wonder if that is a serious fault of mine, since it tends to leave me used and abused by people because they know I will always be there for them.
So there I am at 2am with no word from the husband, really starting to freak out. He hadn’t responded to my text so I was really worried. I went down into his lair in the basement and discovered that there was several things missing from them room. So then I went from worried to angry. I was furious that he could be so inconsiderate to not tell me he wasn’t coming home or that he possibly moved out. There I was like a damn fool sitting up worrying about him, thinking something bad happened and he was off, heaven knows where, sleeping like a baby. Of course that kept me from being able to sleep so I was up till 4:30am and not impressed.
I did manage to get some things done though thanks to the anger. I took out my air conditioner, since the husband couldn’t be bothered to do it. I then installed a chain to the back door. I am sure the neighbours loved me making noise at 3:30am but I was livid and needed to burn off the excess energy.
So the next day I wasn’t in good humour so I wasn’t in the mood to speak to the husband when I saw him at work. He asked me what my attitude was all about and I snapped at him that he left and didn’t even have the courtesy to let me know so like an idiot I was up worried all night and didn’t get any sleep. I am sure he probably felt pretty pleased with himself. But I was still too furious to care that I was probably playing into what he wanted. I will be making an effort to not let that happen again.
Turns out he was looking after his mother’s dogs for the week and would be gone. I had mixed feelings about it, in all honesty. I had never been alone in the house for longer than a night or two before. A week seemed like an eternity, but I realized it would be a good test to see how I can handle having my own place when the husband does eventually move out. It would also give us some much needed space. Even with him living in the basement, he is still in the house and I still cross paths with him each day and it is a constant reminder that he is talking to another woman in the house. It is hard to be civil with someone that broke your heart.
So Monday night wasn’t all that easy. Didn’t sleep well at all. The house felt empty even with my son. It is amazing how one person can effect your life. Tuesday night was better, I was more used to the empty feeling in the house and the quiet. By the end of the week I was actually feeling better but I did miss the husband. We had actually had some pretty good conversations by the end of the week and actually went out to dinner on Friday night before he had to head back out to his mother’s.
I think the week off from each other was good. I just wish he hadn’t done it the way he had. He should have told me he was looking after the dogs and not left me worrying as he did. He said he only did what I have done to him but I have never not come home without calling first.
This week did help me connect with my artistic side. Opened my eyes to what is around me. Monday I snapped an amazing picture on the way to work. There was a mystical fog over the ground. The one that always happens this time of year around the first frost. I have always found fog beautiful and this picture kind of says how I was feeling at the time.

I took this with my Blackberry since I didn’t have my actual camera on me but I think it is an amazing shot. I currently have it as my wallpaper on my phone. I was trying to capture the fog and the beauty of the bare tree against the morning sky when a crow flew in as I pushed the button. It was perfect timing. This picture makes me think of Wuthering Heights or the Raven.
Another night this week I ventured out to have dinner with my son at a local restaurant and there was an absolutely amazing sunset. The sky was alive with different shades of pink and purple and naturally I had to capture it. Again these were taken with my Blackberry as I forgot my pocket cam at home, but still beautiful. I really must remember to grab my pocket cam with me when I leave the house. You never know when the urge to snap an unforgettable moment arises. 






I loved the look of the last two pictures. I think both are beautiful in their own way. I love black and white photography, there is something classic about the photos that colour just can’t express.  I believe not all photos look great in both styles, but this time I think both photos are beautiful and capture different feelings.
I really missed taking pictures. It has been a while since I really played with my camera. I am hoping to change that especially since I have gotten back into looking at everything as a photo op. I have more pics and more on my week sans husband but I will leave off for now. It is late and I have already written too much. Enjoy your slumber everyone.
Hugs and smoochies from the Madhouse