So last weekend the husband told me he was going out. I didn’t think anything of it till it was 12am and he still hadn’t come home yet. Being the person I am I got worried so I texted him asking if he was ok and if he would be home soon. He hadn’t said he wasn’t coming home so every horrible thought went through my head. He was lying dead in a ditch somewhere, he was mugged and lying in a ditch somewhere, he was hit by a bus etc, etc.
I know it is strange that I even care seeing as he hasn’t really shown much care to me in the last seven months while he is in a relationship with this internet woman but he is still my husband (for the moment at least) and the father to my child. I tend to be a worrier though even if I am mad at someone I still worry about them. Sometimes I wonder if that is a serious fault of mine, since it tends to leave me used and abused by people because they know I will always be there for them.
So there I am at 2am with no word from the husband, really starting to freak out. He hadn’t responded to my text so I was really worried. I went down into his lair in the basement and discovered that there was several things missing from them room. So then I went from worried to angry. I was furious that he could be so inconsiderate to not tell me he wasn’t coming home or that he possibly moved out. There I was like a damn fool sitting up worrying about him, thinking something bad happened and he was off, heaven knows where, sleeping like a baby. Of course that kept me from being able to sleep so I was up till 4:30am and not impressed.
I did manage to get some things done though thanks to the anger. I took out my air conditioner, since the husband couldn’t be bothered to do it. I then installed a chain to the back door. I am sure the neighbours loved me making noise at 3:30am but I was livid and needed to burn off the excess energy.
So the next day I wasn’t in good humour so I wasn’t in the mood to speak to the husband when I saw him at work. He asked me what my attitude was all about and I snapped at him that he left and didn’t even have the courtesy to let me know so like an idiot I was up worried all night and didn’t get any sleep. I am sure he probably felt pretty pleased with himself. But I was still too furious to care that I was probably playing into what he wanted. I will be making an effort to not let that happen again.
Turns out he was looking after his mother’s dogs for the week and would be gone. I had mixed feelings about it, in all honesty. I had never been alone in the house for longer than a night or two before. A week seemed like an eternity, but I realized it would be a good test to see how I can handle having my own place when the husband does eventually move out. It would also give us some much needed space. Even with him living in the basement, he is still in the house and I still cross paths with him each day and it is a constant reminder that he is talking to another woman in the house. It is hard to be civil with someone that broke your heart.
So Monday night wasn’t all that easy. Didn’t sleep well at all. The house felt empty even with my son. It is amazing how one person can effect your life. Tuesday night was better, I was more used to the empty feeling in the house and the quiet. By the end of the week I was actually feeling better but I did miss the husband. We had actually had some pretty good conversations by the end of the week and actually went out to dinner on Friday night before he had to head back out to his mother’s.
I think the week off from each other was good. I just wish he hadn’t done it the way he had. He should have told me he was looking after the dogs and not left me worrying as he did. He said he only did what I have done to him but I have never not come home without calling first.
This week did help me connect with my artistic side. Opened my eyes to what is around me. Monday I snapped an amazing picture on the way to work. There was a mystical fog over the ground. The one that always happens this time of year around the first frost. I have always found fog beautiful and this picture kind of says how I was feeling at the time.
I took this with my Blackberry since I didn’t have my actual camera on me but I think it is an amazing shot. I currently have it as my wallpaper on my phone. I was trying to capture the fog and the beauty of the bare tree against the morning sky when a crow flew in as I pushed the button. It was perfect timing. This picture makes me think of Wuthering Heights or the Raven.
Another night this week I ventured out to have dinner with my son at a local restaurant and there was an absolutely amazing sunset. The sky was alive with different shades of pink and purple and naturally I had to capture it. Again these were taken with my Blackberry as I forgot my pocket cam at home, but still beautiful. I really must remember to grab my pocket cam with me when I leave the house. You never know when the urge to snap an unforgettable moment arises.
I loved the look of the last two pictures. I think both are beautiful in their own way. I love black and white photography, there is something classic about the photos that colour just can’t express. I believe not all photos look great in both styles, but this time I think both photos are beautiful and capture different feelings.
I really missed taking pictures. It has been a while since I really played with my camera. I am hoping to change that especially since I have gotten back into looking at everything as a photo op. I have more pics and more on my week sans husband but I will leave off for now. It is late and I have already written too much. Enjoy your slumber everyone.
Hugs and smoochies from the Madhouse
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