A little place to share the mayhem which is my life. Welcome to the madhouse, please enjoy your stay :D

Monday, April 21, 2014


.......in life and relationships. 

I have been doing a lot of thinking since my marriage ended. Maybe that is a good thing, sometimes I wonder if it might be a bad thing. I have a nasty habit of over thinking which causes me a lot of issues in my life. I am sure there are many people out there that do the same. 

How do you find balance? It has been a question I have been asking myself for years. Not sure if I am any closer to answering that question, however. 

Currently I have been thinking about finding a balance in what you are looking for in a partner. Have you ever had such chemistry with someone only to discover weeks later, after the sexual chemistry has slowed down, that the person is dull and you have nothing to talk about? Or you meet a great guy and can talk for hours but you don't feel physical attraction for them. 

Over the last two and a half years I have had a few encounters with men. Some I have been interested in but they weren't interested in me other than a trying to get into my pants. Some have been interested in me but I just couldn't see a relationship with them because I just wasn't interested in them sexually. Hey, it happens. 

I have heard the typical phrases like, "he is a really nice guy, he has his own house, a car and a good job, you'll be perfect together", "You're too picky, you'll never find a guy" etc etc, from well meaning friends. 

First off, the first thing I look for in a man isn't whether he has a house, car or some other material possessions. Are they nice to have, sure but not mandatory for me to consider him as a prospective mate. That being said, I am not able to settle for someone I don't mesh with just because he has possessions and "will take care of me", either. This isn't the 50s. 

I am not looking for someone that is just fantastic in the bedroom and we have nothing to talk about or in common enough to spend time with outside said bedroom, either. I have been there done that and do not care to repeat it. 

Sexual chemistry fades over time. I firmly believe you have to have something in common enough outside the bedroom because you can't always have sex. Don't get me wrong, sex is important in a relationship, to a point. It shouldn't be the end all and be all of a relationship. I have had a relationship or two where I got along great outside the bedroom with the person but I found myself unsatisfied when it came to the bedroom. 

I am looking for someone that has a balance between the two. I have yet to find such a man. I thought I had with Baker but that didn't pan out so I am still on my search for the person I can spend time with, have a family with and grow old with. I spent 16 years in a relationship that I wasn't particularly happy in. I muddled through because I thought it was what I needed to do. I thought that is all I was good enough for. I was wrong. 

It was hard admitting to myself that I hadn't been happy. Once I did though it was like a huge weight had been lifted and I could move on with finding happiness. 

Yes I am in my thirties with a teenage son but I am not giving up hope. When people tell me I am being too picky or tell me I am not getting younger I smile and thank them for their advice. I don't want to settle just to make other people happy because it makes them uncomfortable to see me single. 

I did so many things in my life to make other people happy while making myself unhappy in the process and I don't want to do that any longer. No one should have to feel like they need to settle just because someone else says they should. 

Do what makes you happy. Be what you want to be. Live how you want to live. If people complain about what you do it is their issue not yours. 

I know there is someone out there for me and I am not giving up. I just know I am not going to settle any longer. He will come along when the time it right. Until then I just have to do what makes me happy and live my life and have faith it will happen for me.